Wednesday, 21 April 2010

The Lovely Bones

Hello. I apologise for the lack of blog for so long. I have been very busy with one thing and another, e.g. cat, granny, friends, Tweenies, Doctor Who, twitter, Easter, London, homework, Ben and various other things. In the last few months, I have been to 2 films which is a record for me. Before I went to The Lovely Bones about 3 months ago, the last film I had been to see was Harry Potter 6 (which incidentally, I really enjoyed and rank it lower than HP 3 and 5 but higher than 1, 2 and 4. I didn't like the beginning because I thought it was unnecessarily confusing but I loved the end which I thought was a fitting tribute and had a great soundtrack - which my dad played the cello in!) anyway...

I went to see The Lovely Bones with my friends Emma and Amy. I was looking forward to it because:
a) I like Emma and Amy,
b) I hadn't been to the cinema for ages,
c) I wanted to be able to be smug because I don't have to pay full price for cinema tickets whereas they do because they're 15 and I'm 14,
and d) we have a family friend with the same name as the main character so I could chuckle all the way through, happily pondering the hilarity of this coincidence.

We went into the film with plenty of time to spare so I read an article about Alistair Darling on the Guardian app on my iPod while Emma and Amy talked about things like pop music. Or something similar. I wasn't really listening. Then the film began....

Unfortunately, some annoying people at the back of the cinema chose that moment to start giggling and shouting about something or other. It was very tedious and I was agitated by the quality of their grammar. It was appalling! Then a woman turned around and started shouting at them and saying that she wanted to watch the film because she had paid for it. This provoked more giggling but they eventually settled down. Good.

Now the main problem I have with this film is its creepy-ness all the way through!!! It started off with the main character going on and on about her death and trying to make you suspect certain people before saying that actually it wasn't them, it was this person - no actually it was this person... or was it THIS person? No it wasn't. These attempts did not succeed and just left me feeling rather confused which is not the best way to start a film in my humble opinion. We then had to endure the boring, wet, annoying scenes of adolescent love. Yes - the main character fancied a boy and oh no, he doesn't know she exists! Oh yes he does. Now they're talking to each other and he's going all lovey-dovey and quiet and - ooh they're almost kissing! Oh dear, someone's burst in and broken the moment. I felt myself thinking, 'who cares?' while everyone on screen was looking sad and awkward as though it was the end of the world. Those sort of moments have been done over and over again in films and on television. Its got so boring!

Then there was a spooky bit with a big field and a scary man and an underground den. Then it cut to the protagonist's family wondering where she had got to. Again, that's been done so many times. Then lots of other things happen and the police decide she is dead while the murderer consoles the
family and then goes back to playing with a dolls house. I didn't really see the point of the dolls house. It didn't seem to serve any purpose other than allowing the film makers to do some clever camera shots through the miniature windows and doors.

And then some other stuff happens (I wont specify because I can't be bothered and some people might still want to see this film so I don't want to give to much away. But my advice to them is: Don't.) Then we get to see the afterlife. As my favourite film critic Mark Kermode said, it looks like something from Super Mario Galaxy. It actually does. There are spherical fields and seas and enormous ships in bottles, (oh yeah, the main character's dad has an obsession with making ships in bottles. Don't ask me why. He just does.) there's even a magical tree.

In my opinion, no one should even attempt to put the afterlife on screen because everyone has a different idea of what it is. Personally, I don't think the afterlife exists - just like God doesn't exist. I believe that when you die, you just stop. Your brain shuts down and that's it. It's fine for other people to believe in heaven and paradise and stuff and I wish them well but this is how I see things and I am confident enough of my opinion that death doesn't really worry me. Not my death anyway. Hmm, this review has got rather morbid. But I suppose that sums up The Lovely Bones. It is a horribly morbid film.

But the thing I really hated about this film was that I was allowed to watch it. I shouldn't have been allowed in, it should have been a 15. Not a 12A - a 15. I am 2 years above the recommended age limit and I have been completely traumatised by this creepy film. There's one scene where the evil guy is in a bath, cleaning up after murdering the girl, and there's blood and mud everywhere. First of all, it is disgusting! Now that would be okay if the scene was justified, but there doesn't seem to be any point to it. It doesn't add anything to the film, it just doesn't fit. All three of us were confused by that one scene. It's not explained properly and it just adds unnecessary gore and confusion. And the fact that this film scared me certainly doesn't make it a good film! It's a rubbish film with a stupid set-up, a very confusing storyline and a rubbish script. The actors did their best, the creepy man (played by Stanley Tucci I think) was brilliant - he alone is the reason I can no longer feed the rabbit in my garden in the dark without someone next to me or watching from a window. But even exemplary actors could not make up for the poor camera work, lack of interesting plot and stupid film cliches. And I talk about exemplary acting, but the main actress was awful! She was wingey, boring and wet. The voiceover all the way through the film was agonising! I was literally cringing in my seat!

So as you may have gathered, I didn't like this film. I am told that the book is good but creepy, however I have no intention of reading it because I'm only just about getting over my fear of evil child murderers - 3 months after I saw the film (very, very late review - I apologise) As I have said, the one good thing about this film is the spectacular performance by the guy who plays the evil murderer guy. His performance really freaked me out which from an acting point of view, can only be a good thing. Except he's not the one having to feed the rabbit in the dark every night, convinced that there is an axe-murderer hiding in the shadows of the bushes *shiver*.

So yes, good evil guy, terrible film. That is all. Goodnight!

Wednesday, 7 April 2010


Hello. Just a quick blog to explain why there haven't been any blogs recently. I've been horribly, horribly busy. And everything is pretty rubbish at the moment to be honest, despite the fact that its the easter holiday. Having said that, I do have a lot of really fun stuff planned - Billy Elliot (for the 6th time) tomorrow with Emma, sleepover with Izzy at the weekend (we will probably make some sort of film or song like we usually do! Our Silent Movie was legendary!), going to see Jackie Schneider and going to see Allie. Most people reading this blog probably won't have a clue who I'm talking about but as they say 'just go with the flow...' Hmmm. I don't like that phrase anymore. I shall never use it again.

Anyhoo, the reason I am so busy and things are rubbish is that granny is in hospital/care home and has been for weeks. Also one of the the cats died and we are all really upset (especially Ben) and we are looking for kittens to cheer us all up but being worried that kittens will finish off the other cat who is still just about alive, staggering around and smelling. Additionally, we went to Wales the other day to stay with our grandparents (not the granny in hospital - it's all very confusing) and my grandpa has alzhiemers and vascular dementia so is very forgetful and agitated which isn't very nice to watch and is awful for Caroline (my step-granny) because he is always getting at her. And its really hard for my dad too because he is seeing his dad deteriorating rapidly which is horrible. AND I have loads of work for the holidays but can't bring myself to do it because I want to stay as far away from school as I can. But I need to do it at some point. Grr. And most of all, all of this has made my mum really stressed and upset and I hate seeing her unhappy. I have been trying to help around the house and stuff and have lots of hugs but I'm not very good at things like this. So I'm really stuck and feeling really low. I apologize for the rambly-ness of this blog but I'm trying to do it quickly so I can get on with a work experience application form.

So if I don't do another blog for a while, I'm sorry. When I have a spare moment and I feel like writing, I will do another one but for now you will have to make do with my twitter account which I update a lot because it is quick and satisfying. So bye for now and again, I'm very sorry. :-)